Pretty? Self-Conscious?

Many women and even men at times will go through times in their life when they just don't feel as if they are "good looking" enough to their significant other or maybe that significant other doesn't express to them that they are good looking/sexy/beautiful, etc. Well I can admit that I feel that way a lot and it isn't completely my hubby's fault, I didn't really grow up with people telling me I was pretty or beautiful on a daily basis. In my opinion, ensuring that you tell your kids how beautiful and proud of them you are is an extreme emotional fulfillment in their little world. I really wish it would have been something I received as a child. Anyway, if you are one of those individuals that feel that way, I can honestly say that you are not alone. The reason I am writing this tonight is because it seems to be how I am feeling.

I know that I have never felt beautiful and have always been negative about myself and how I look. I have always seemed to have that "Photoshopped" body figure in my brain because of how my mother always talked about how she wanted to be skinny and blah blah and then of course my husband that has told me before that he has never "had a skinny chick" before, and of course the most obvious is the fact that he gets so "turned" on by checking out all those skinny gals either in person or on tv. So of course that doesn't help my brain/heart/soul feel any better.

Healthy living and losing weight has always been one of those things I have ALWAYS talked about and talked about but never seemed to work hard enough or have the support and encouragement to keep me going to get that "body" I have always thought I should have. So pretty much, it is mainly my fault for feeling this way due to my high expectations and such. How many of you ever feel this way, and what do you do to change your perspective? Something that I have started doing is watching different channels on YouTube about healthy living along with reading my favorite books by Unveiled Wife. My favorite book is her latest book and you can get it here.

Mountain of Love

Recently I lost my full time job and it has taken a toll on many. Daniel took the biggest hit I do believe because of all of our debt that we are in because I am awful with managing money when I am depressed especially. I have had a lot of depression within my life the last few years and so my way of escaping is spending money while others may eat junk food. Well since I have lost my job, I definitely have seen a lot of love from those around me.

Today, we went to church, and then we ate dinner at my husband’s folks’ house, after we ate Uncle Bret and Aunt Paige took Weston to  their house (Reba spent the night at my mother’s last night) while Phillip and Gayle and Daniel and I talked through our financial future and what needs to happen. I honestly was very nervous due to the feeling that it was going to be more of an intervention meeting than what it turned out to be. His parents showed us and especially me so much love for everything and really tried getting us through and discussed what we could do. They both told us they loved us and they would help the best they could.

As we were getting ready to leave to go pick up Weston, Gayle hugs me and provides me with beautiful words and encouragement and just that mountain of love. We then leave and spend a few minutes with Bret and Paige; then I load Weston in car and sit In the car while daddy runs inside to get milk, Bret makes his way out to the car and as he approaches he jokes about Weston screaming saying oh he must be ready to go?! I said yes, he’s mad because he doesn’t have his bottle. Bret then looks at me seriously and says, “I know I haven’t said anything since the situation happened because I don’t want to be on the chew Katy’s ass train, you are my sister and I love you, but I know that you are hurting inside and Paige and I can see that and we are here to support you. We love you and we will be here for you. He is showing that mountain of love for me as his sister and he is tearing up and I am listening and crying because my heart was just melting from the amount of love that was being shown to me today. I can’t explain how blessed I am with my family and friends that I have in my life. Thank you to all of you that have given me this blessing of love.

Not Letting Satan Run the Show...

Sorry it has been a while since I have posted. Definitely had blogging in my planner but a lot has happened this past week...

Wednesday, October 7th, my full time job let me know they were letting me go. They had been letting a lot of people go and I was on the watch list because I was there for only a year and just had a baby so they were counting up anytime I would take off for ANY reason. They wrote me up in February and of course I quit taking off every time the kids were sick or something was needing done or they needed picked up early, etc. I was trying hard to make arrangements in order to keep from having to put leave in or even rearrange my time. Well that Monday I had called in sick because both my husband and I both went to bed feeling awful. We weren't sure what was wrong, but I felt like puking all night. It was a terrible night. But I did not go to the doctor and get a doctor note like I was instructed anytime I would use sick leave because I am sure that my problem was being overly exhausted and honestly I don't have the money to go to the doctor every time I get a migraine, or have the sinus junk. So my consequence for that was being fired.

Now I can say that I have been wanting and praying to God to be able to stay home with the kids. I absolutely enjoy that time I get to have with them and teach them, craft with them, and just be their momma. When I was led into my supervisor's office and saw who was sitting there, I knew immediately that I was getting fired and I felt nervous but my biggest issue I had was worrying about my husband. I knew he would flip his cork and become the most stressed out individual. Well as they finished up giving me their excuse after excuse and lie after lie termination meeting, I was walked out by my supervisor and as I walked out that door and got in my car I prayed to God and gave it ALL to Him. I know/knew that He is in control of ALL things in my life and I know/knew He has plans for me. So right now I am just being patient for His calling. I am working on unemployment, as well and searching for a job because we are in debt and trying to pay it off so I am praying that my husband will have that blind faith and just let God have it ALL. Daniel (my husband) told me the other day while we were discussing this stressful event that he has never had blind faith and letting God or anyone else handle this is hard for him to just let go.

As you can probably imagine, this stress has taken a tremendous toll on our relationship. Daniel has now become isolated and distant from me and I am feeling extremely alone. Last night I told him I miss him and would love to spend time with him but he advised me that he misses me too but he is so stressed that he probably wouldn't even enjoy it. That has caused my depression to become severe at this point. I do not want to let Satan enjoy this by allowing it to separate Daniel and I and that is why we are headed to talk with our Pastor on Wednesday evening. Daniel and I just recommitted our lives to the Lord on October 4th, 2015, joined our church and was baptized as a couple. It was the greatest of all things thus far in my life (well besides my kiddos) and that feeling after washing all things away, past and all, was like a new woman came out. I felt and still feel that deep emotional feeling of being and becoming that wife and momma that God created me to be. So being fired that same week was Satan's way of trying to get us down and focused away from God but from my heart I can say I am not letting that happen. I am allowing God to give me opportunities to earn income with side jobs, plus I will be starting my Jamberry Nails business back up and getting it up and running again all while doing what I can to take care of my house and family.

So as you can see that are many things in my life that are causing depression but I just keep refocusing myself back to the Lord and letting Him have it ALL. I know that I can't control everything in my life and when something is meant to be, He will provide what that is. I know I have many people around me that support my hope of that stay at home momma job, but then I have others that are against it and tell me I need a job and not to even consider being a SAHM. But all I can say is, "You know what?! God is in control and if there is a job out there I am supposed to have that I have applied for, then I will get it!" End of story!

Do you ever feel pressured like this where so many are trying to tell you what you need to do with your life and how to take care of your family? If so I would love to hear from you and we can connect on a personal basis. It can be via a comment or you can email me @ katyvannicola1731@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you.

October means...

Yes, that's right! It is October and the Fall season is here. So what better time to sip on a yummy Pumpkin Spice Latte? Well I will say that I have never been a Starbucks fan, but I have recently received a couple of gift cards for them so I have come accustomed to their Caramel Frap and I have enjoyed their Pumpkin Spice Latte's in the past. (Man I could really drink one right now!...)

Anyway, I have found this amazing recipe on mindovermunch.com and have fell in love with it!

Ingredients
     1C light almond milk
     1T pumpkin puree
     1/2 tsp stevia (or sweetener of choice)
     1/2 tsp pumpkin pie spice (or sub 1/4 tsp cinnamon, & pinch of nutmeg, ginger & ground cloves
     1/4 tsp cinnamon
     1/2 tsp vanilla
     1/4C espresso or coffee (depending on how strong you want it)

Procedure
* In a saucepan, whisk 1/2 of your milk with remaining ingredients (except for espresso) over medium heat
* Once it reaches a boil, turn down to low and simmer for about 5 minutes, whisking frequently
* Stir in the remaining milk and whisk until combined, allowing to simmer for another 2 minutes
* Add espresso and simmer for a final minute, whisking until frothy
* Serve as is or use a frother to finish it off!

The best part about this recipe is it is HEALTHY!!
Nutrition Facts per Latte = 37 Calories|1g Carbs|3g Fat|1g Protein

Honestly, who can beat that amazingness? I know I can't, plus it saves you like $6 each time your are craving that pumpkin flavor on a chilly evening.

I hope you enjoy this recipe, if you like it, let me know what you think of it and make sure to head over to mindovermunch to check out the rest of her recipes, tips, & tricks!


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