Wednesday, October 7th, my full time job let me know they were letting me go. They had been letting a lot of people go and I was on the watch list because I was there for only a year and just had a baby so they were counting up anytime I would take off for ANY reason. They wrote me up in February and of course I quit taking off every time the kids were sick or something was needing done or they needed picked up early, etc. I was trying hard to make arrangements in order to keep from having to put leave in or even rearrange my time. Well that Monday I had called in sick because both my husband and I both went to bed feeling awful. We weren't sure what was wrong, but I felt like puking all night. It was a terrible night. But I did not go to the doctor and get a doctor note like I was instructed anytime I would use sick leave because I am sure that my problem was being overly exhausted and honestly I don't have the money to go to the doctor every time I get a migraine, or have the sinus junk. So my consequence for that was being fired.
Now I can say that I have been wanting and praying to God to be able to stay home with the kids. I absolutely enjoy that time I get to have with them and teach them, craft with them, and just be their momma. When I was led into my supervisor's office and saw who was sitting there, I knew immediately that I was getting fired and I felt nervous but my biggest issue I had was worrying about my husband. I knew he would flip his cork and become the most stressed out individual. Well as they finished up giving me their excuse after excuse and lie after lie termination meeting, I was walked out by my supervisor and as I walked out that door and got in my car I prayed to God and gave it ALL to Him. I know/knew that He is in control of ALL things in my life and I know/knew He has plans for me. So right now I am just being patient for His calling. I am working on unemployment, as well and searching for a job because we are in debt and trying to pay it off so I am praying that my husband will have that blind faith and just let God have it ALL. Daniel (my husband) told me the other day while we were discussing this stressful event that he has never had blind faith and letting God or anyone else handle this is hard for him to just let go.
As you can probably imagine, this stress has taken a tremendous toll on our relationship. Daniel has now become isolated and distant from me and I am feeling extremely alone. Last night I told him I miss him and would love to spend time with him but he advised me that he misses me too but he is so stressed that he probably wouldn't even enjoy it. That has caused my depression to become severe at this point. I do not want to let Satan enjoy this by allowing it to separate Daniel and I and that is why we are headed to talk with our Pastor on Wednesday evening. Daniel and I just recommitted our lives to the Lord on October 4th, 2015, joined our church and was baptized as a couple. It was the greatest of all things thus far in my life (well besides my kiddos) and that feeling after washing all things away, past and all, was like a new woman came out. I felt and still feel that deep emotional feeling of being and becoming that wife and momma that God created me to be. So being fired that same week was Satan's way of trying to get us down and focused away from God but from my heart I can say I am not letting that happen. I am allowing God to give me opportunities to earn income with side jobs, plus I will be starting my Jamberry Nails business back up and getting it up and running again all while doing what I can to take care of my house and family.
So as you can see that are many things in my life that are causing depression but I just keep refocusing myself back to the Lord and letting Him have it ALL. I know that I can't control everything in my life and when something is meant to be, He will provide what that is. I know I have many people around me that support my hope of that stay at home momma job, but then I have others that are against it and tell me I need a job and not to even consider being a SAHM. But all I can say is, "You know what?! God is in control and if there is a job out there I am supposed to have that I have applied for, then I will get it!" End of story!
Do you ever feel pressured like this where so many are trying to tell you what you need to do with your life and how to take care of your family? If so I would love to hear from you and we can connect on a personal basis. It can be via a comment or you can email me @ katyvannicola1731@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you.
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